View Full Version : Glamor photography and significant others

Douglas Carl
September 27th, 2010, 02:26 PM
I recently met an amazing girl that it looks like a relationship may form with. When she found out my desire to become a glamor photographer, she kinda frowned on the idea. She has a friend that got into modeling, and the model lifestyle absorbed her friends life. Drugs, sex, parties. She wants nothing to do with this line of work. Anyone had any luck convincing a girlfriend / spouse that this is an ok business to be in and still be a faithful, non party lifestyle, sex freak, pervert? And that not every model is a lost soul once they enter this line of work?

Im thinking she needs to see I am none of these things over time, and then I may be able to convince her I will be ok as a glamor photographer. Is this a pipe dream having her and a career as a glamor photog? Is it one or the other?

I have been single for a long time because I rarely find a girl I like. Well I like her, but I also LOVE doing glamor photography.

Please give any advice you can.

Douglas Carl

Nick Saglimbeni
September 28th, 2010, 01:06 PM
Hmm...interesting question you pose here, Doug.

Interesting primarily because I imagine my answer could go on for hours. But I'll keep this short.

Nearly every woman will have some issue with your career, because it stirs a deep insecurity that "one day" someone more attractive (this could be physical or emotional) will show up in front of your camera. And, well...we're guys, so let's at least give them the benefit of the doubt that it could happen.

Those who have followed my career have also probably noticed that I don't put my romantic life anywhere for the public to see. Not on FB, not on Twitter, not on my blog. I learned that from Harrison Ford and Dave Chappelle. There's the public you, and then there's you. You is nobody's business but your own, and anyone who you choose to let into that circle.

I have a good friend who is, in my opinion, ideal husband material. He's a member of a religion with fantastic morals, ethics, and family values, and he's certainly one of the few incorruptible men I've ever met. But even his significant other was suspicious and jealous the entire time he was shooting models, even though everyone could tell this guy would never betray his woman.

My sincerest advice to you is this: spend some time alone...you know, that scary time where it's just you and your thoughts and you question who you are and what you want out of life? Ask yourself (what anyone else thinks is irrelevant) why do you "LOVE glamour photography"? The answer lies in there somewhere, or at least that's my guess.

Good luck with that. If you come to PhotoKamp one day we can talk more in private. Take care.

September 28th, 2010, 08:36 PM
Being one of those people that doesn't get into many long term relations for some time now, because I haven't found that "one" person yet (though I'm still in my late 20s, so I'll just blame my age)... I'm probably not the right person to answer this, but I'll give it my 2 cents anyway.

Be honest. I know, it sounds corny and unhelpful, but I really believe this to be the answer to any big relation issue. To have a successful relationship, you and her need to fit together. If either of you has to change in a significant way for it to work, the relationship is destined to fail. If you have to give up your passion of Glamour photography for her, it will eat at you for the remainder of your relationship. If she has to live in insecurity for the rest of the relationship, it will eat at her.

Be honest and tell her why you like Glamour photography and why it inspires you. For me, that would mean saying: "I love beauty and capturing it in the most graceful way. I'm a fan of the female form and that will never change.", but I'd also add (assuming that is the way I feel): "But after capturing the beauty of so many models, I've learned one thing: real beauty lies on the inside and superficial beauty is both temporary and does not hold much weight in a relationship. What you mean to me extends far beyond your external beauty."... or something similar and less corny.

I'm really being honest here though, I've had a long-term relationship with a beautiful model once and you (or at least I) get used to the looks fast... so fast it's not even funny. All that's left is how the person makes you feel and how well you fit together. If you can honestly communicate this and she still can't help but feel insecure about your work / hobby to the point where it threatens the relationship, I say you aren't really a good fit. Sounds harsh, but trust me, you don't want a girl that has a major issue with something you feel passioned about. I've also had a relationship with a girl that was more than secure enough to not care about my glamour photography... though that relation ended for other reasons.

Again, I'm just some late 20-ish guy, so take my advice or not. I've had more than my fair share of relationships though and I really passionately believe in this.

Finally, you have to let her know what goes on during a photoshoot if she really believes all photographers are like that. Have her on the set during a couple of shoots. Make sure she has something to do like helping setting up the lighting and making sure the model's clothes / lingerie is not off anywhere. It seems it's mostly the unfamiliarity to what a photoshoot is (and how boring it actually is to non-participants) is what is fueling her unfounded fears.

...Wow, never thought after joining the slickforce forum I'd get as deep as this though! ;)

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Douglas Carl
September 28th, 2010, 08:44 PM
Thank you so much guys. I will try out some of your advice and see what happens.

September 28th, 2010, 10:04 PM
Personally I love what I do so much and super passionate about it to where I let a girl know that theres no way I can put her first in my life right now. I just keep it real and be honest about it. And everytime it draws them closer to me. I love what I do soo much to where no woman is going to take me away from this and bore me to death. Lol! Im so serious. My lady friend will have to understand what I do and I understand that I am an artist. If not, she's not the one for me.

Nick Saglimbeni
September 29th, 2010, 09:04 PM
Another thought popped into my head on this topic.

No person, woman or man, who wants to be a part of your life should ever make you second-guess your livelihood, especially when you get the feeling that this path that you are on is what you were meant to do and you're following your dreams (which is no small commitment).

You're a man. All quality women will expect you to make a living. If this is how you make a living, then a potential significant other should be supportive. The only exception is if the person is ethically or morally opposed to your profession, in which case the relationship is doomed anyway.

And just in case any of you are wondering, plenty of my exes have had issues with my career. That's why they're my exes. Being able to take care of the people I love makes this an easy decision every time. (Cold but true. They should want to help you build the castle, not move out of it).

Just a thought.

October 27th, 2010, 02:10 AM
First of all, you have to consider that in photography, lighting is everything. A lot of light is ideal, and for the best results you're going to want to use professional work lights on tripods. Of course, not everyone has professional lighting equipment, so the overhead light of a room, indirect window light, and the camera's flash are also options, although less than optimal ones,a background is important in glamour photography. You don't want to set up in a bedroom with clothes on the floor and a lot of clutter lying around. The space should be organized in a way that the subject of the pictures chooses.it should convey the kind of image and attitude that the model desires. Items of intimacy, such as pillows and other props, are a good idea. The old rule, "if it doesn't add to the scene, then it detracts from it" is useful here. Nothing is neutral in your scenes. It either helps or hurts the quality of the photos.